Friendship

I have to take a moment to thank those of you who have commented on my recent blog posts or e-mailed me direct, offering me your support, words of encouragement, advice, and prayers. Although I slip in and out of a dark place often, I have felt your loving arms around me. I want to thank you for your friendship. And, to me, it is true friendship. I've heard some words I have needed to hear, and not necessarily what I have wanted to hear at times.

A commenter, Q, who came over from another blog, had this verse posted on her blog. I grasped right onto it ... The Lord will fight for you. You need only to be still. ~ Exodus 14:14.

I have felt like I am fighting a fight that I can't win. This is a fight I have been fighting for the past several years. I have felt panicked, as though I need to be doing something, anything, right now! In my fear and desperation, I have often made poor decisions that have only harmed my relationship with Kyndal even more.

If I was just dealing with a rebellious teenager who didn't want to follow rules, I would march right over to where she is staying and drag her behind back home. But, that's not what I am fighting. I am fighting a group of people who are more interested in spiting and hurting me than in doing what is truly best for Kyndal. What would have been truly best for Kyndal would have been for her mother to receive 100% support for her disciplining decisions, because each decision was done in the best interest of Kyndal and her future.

I have to try to remember that just as though I couldn't drag characteristics of her dad out of her over the past 10 years, my characteristics can't be dragged out of her either. I have taught her well, even if she hasn't believed it. The things she has been taught will go with her wherever she goes.

My love language is definitely Acts of Service. Doing things for others is how I show them that I love them. Not being able to do for Kyndal has been difficult. It makes me feel panicked, like I am not able to show her that I love her. Earlier this week she was sick. She went to Urgent Care by herself. She did text me for help and I walked/talked her through it. And I dropped off a bag of over-the-counter medicines, some tomato soup, and macaroni and cheese (her favorites). And that was all I could do for her. It was hard, but it is our new reality. The only difference is that she will soon be five hours away. I will have to be creative in how I serve her. It will take me changing the way I love her. I do have an idea of one way we can start to rebuild our relationship at a long distance. I hope it's something that she likes.

See ...

The Lord will fight for you. You need only to be still.
I am going to have to say that to myself about a million times a day. Being still is not one of my strong suits.

Well, this started out being a post thanking you for your friendship. And I want to end it that way. Keep your encouragement coming, and especially your prayers.

I am off to try to come up with a new Christmas tradition for our family so that we can do like my friend Cheryl at "Say What?" said, that we can look back on this Christmas and say "remember when we started ..." instead of remembering the sad part.