Esse Quam Videri

This is a Latin phrase meaning, "To be, rather than to seem."

This is my personal mantra.

Why? Because for many, many years I worked real hard at seeming to be a lot of things. Those things usually changed depending on who I was spending my time around.

This year, though, I decided that enough was enough. Maybe it was because it was the year I was turning 40. Maybe it was because I was just tired of the facade.

I want to be a woman God is proud of, instead of seeming like I am to others.

I want to be a good wife to Rick, instead of seeming like I am to other women.

I want to be a good mother to my children, instead of seeming like I am to other mothers.

I want to be a good teacher, instead of seeming like I am to those who read my homeschooling blog.

That means being transparent and showing my faults and struggles. I don't want to seem, on the outside, that I have it all together and that I am perfect. I don't have it all together. I am far from perfect. Ask my God, my husband, and my children. I am certain it irritates them for others to comment on how much I have it all together, when they know differently.

This journey of Esse Quan Videri is exactly that, a journey, a daily walk.

This might sound so bizarre to some (well, most) but I am even going to get that phrase tatooed on my inner wrist over Christmas, with my family present. When you were in high school and you cheated on a test (yeah, I'm sure you did .. so did I), where did you write the answers? On your palm, your inner wrist, where you could just barely turn it over and see it. These words will be on my inner wrist as a constant reminder to not be fake, to not pretend, to be real, and to keep working at being better.