The Language(s) of Love

Do you know about Gary Chapman's 5 Love Languages? It's a concept from many years ago, but continues to cycle around in my consciousness.

Gary proposes that we each have Love Languages ... the way we feel and, consequently, naturally give love. The 5 Love Languages are:

1. Quality Time
2. Acts of Service
3. Gift Giving
4. Physical Touch
5. Words of Affirmation

You can take a series of quizzes to see what your Love Language is and what the Love Languages of others in your life are.

My Love Language is definitely Acts of Service! That's why I feel totally and completely loved when Rick cleans the kitchen after dinner or when one of the kids completely cleans his/her room without being asked. And that's why at the end of the day I feel like I have loved my family to the fullest because I have cared for them all day.

But have they felt loved? That is the challenge. We naturally give our own Love Language to others. The challenge is to love others in our lives according to their Love Languages. The first step is to take the time to identify what those individual Love Languages are. Then the second challenge is to live outside of ourselves and love in ways that may be completely unnatural.

It's especially challenging when every member of your immediate family has a different Love Language. That is the case in my family.

1. Rick's Love Language is Words of Affirmation and Physical Touch.
2. Kyndal's Love Language is Quality Time.
3. Dawson's Love Language is Gift Giving.
4. Eli's Love Language is Words of Affirmation and Physical Touch (yes, he's his daddy's son).
5. Brynne's Love Language is Acts of Service (yes she's her mommy's daughter).

May I introduce to you my Acts of Service Girl.

On Sunday she said, "Can I clean the bathroom? I want to do it so you don't have to." And she was ex.cit.ed. I overheard her telling Eli, "Don't walk on the floor there, I just cleaned it. I have been working so hard." (Can you say mini-me?) She was the one in our household who couldn't wait for Mother's Day so she could take care of me. And she was sad when Mother's Day was over.

There is no doubt in my mind that Brynne is secure in my love for her. I take care of her and do things for her .... she feels loved. But I know that the other members of my little family doubt my love at times. Am I lifting Rick up with my words often enough? Am I sitting with him on the couch (next to him), holding his hand, being anywhere near intimate? (You don't have to answer that outloud, honey.) Am I shutting off the t.v. at night when Kyndal gets home from work and acting interested in all of the silly stories she has to tell about her night? Am I buying Dawson that Monster Java for a special treat when I think about it? Am I telling Eli how awesome he is doing at his Kung Fu moves or his homework and am I cuddling with him enough?

None of those things are natural to me, and take work.

But the work is worth it.

 ¹ If I speak with human eloquence and angelic ecstasy but don't love, I'm nothing but the creaking of a rusty gate. ²If I speak God's Word with power, revealing all his mysteries and making everything plain as day, and if I have faith that says to a mountain, "Jump," and it jumps, but I don't love, I'm nothing. ^3-7If I give everything I own to the poor and even go to the stake to be burned as a martyr, but I don't love, I've gotten nowhere. So, no matter what I say, what I believe, and what I do, I'm bankrupt without love. ~ 1 Corinthians 13 (The Message)