True Desires

"Delight yourself in the Lord 

and he will give you the desires of your heart." 

~ Psalm 37:4

Do you get discouraged because God doesn't live up to His promise of giving you the desires of your head?

Yeah, you read that right.

I realized, during some reflection this morning, that often I have extreme desires of my head ... things that I think I really, really want. But I mistake them for desires of my heart. And then I am frustrated because God doesn't give them to me, when He promises that He will.

Our move is one of those instances.

For the past several years, I have desired so strongly to move away from Oklahoma and move closer to my family. I never considered moving back to my hometown. It never entered my radar.

My desire was to be closer to my family, more like an hour drive instead of four hours. I wanted to be able to see my grandma more often. I wanted to be able to see my aunt more often, who had recently moved further away. I wanted to be able to continue to build a relationship with my sister, and regularly love on my nieces. I wanted the kids to experience extended family. I wanted a more simple life. I didn't want to be around snobby rich (acting) people anymore. I wanted to be able to walk or ride my bike to places. I wanted more community involvement. I wanted to fit in.

Rick and I tried several times to make a move. Nothing ever worked out.

I was frustrated. I was discouraged. I just didn't understand ...

but You said You would give me the desires of my heart!

But God knew that these were desires of my head. I didn't really know what the desires of my heart were. My head is not there. Only God knows what's going on in my heart.

And he made it happen.

It was not until we moved to my little hometown in Missouri, four blocks away from my parents, down the road from my grandma, in the path of my aunt's drive on her way to work, actually fighting with my sister over the last no-bake cookies, seeing my nieces several times a week, watching one of them play sports, the kids seeing their grandparents and other family members every single day when they pop in for a visit or when we pop in for one with them.

I didn't know that the "simple life" would actually mean that I was busy all the time. But my busyness is doing things that are meaningful .. not only to myself, but to others.

I had to realize that coming to a small town with many people who are on state assistance and disability benefits, with lots of elderly folks, and a large Amish community, could mean that I was the rich (acting) snobby one. I would need to remember that we are a community, regardless of our status in it.

I didn't realize how fulfilling it would be to walk or bike everywhere, to be involved in community events.

I learned that this is where I always belonged .. where I fit in.

I didn't know it. But God did.

I am delighted.