Should I, or Shouldn't I?

Okay, so I fell off my 31 Days of Enjoying the Busy Season posts. It most certainly has been a busy season, as is the custom around here, and I have enjoyed it much more than I typically do. I think that has everything to do with being intentional .... looking every day for those things that have made my day enjoyable.

As usually happens with me, I have been presented with a couple of opportunities during this busy season (that is only going to get busier over the next couple of months).

I was asked by our Interim Pastor to work for him a few hours a week doing some administrative duties. Our little church is going through some transition and everybody needs to pitch in where they can during this time. I have not given him an answer yet because I need to make sure that I can meet his true needs, and that it will fit into our very busy schedule without taking me away from my family. I have a couple of ideas that should allow me to do this job without much schedule-tweaking.

And then there is the big one. Last winter I had the opportunity to write a Course Description and Weekly Lesson plans for a Master's-level Business Law course for a Christian University. I loved doing it! I was contacted by the consulting firm a couple of days ago about writing another curriculum. The pay is almost three times the last assignment. I was so excited about getting to do this again!

But, when I got the contract I realized that it will require me to do much more than just plan the Course Description, Weekly Objectives and Weekly Lesson plans. It will also require me to plan the specific class assignments, lectures, and all. And I froze.

I don't know if I am smart enough to do this. I am not a college professor. And it's been a couple twenty years since I have been in a college class. I guarantee you today's students are smarter than me. I am a stay-at-home homeschooling mom. Sure, I have a law degree, and I practiced law for a few years. But that was a looooooong time ago!

My initial thought is that I don't want to do it because I am afraid that I will look like an idiot to the project manager of my assignment. I have lots of questions and need lots of guidance. And they are paying me, so I assume they want me to know what I am doing.

But then I think of Dawson. How many times has he refused to do something out of fear that someone will notice that he's not perfect at it the first time he tries it. What kind of example will I be if I turn down the job for that reason alone. But what kind of example will I be if I have him share in this journey with me and see me accomplish something, even when I feel inadequate.

I am kind of looking at this like a book deal. I am a writer who just has ideas. It's up to the editor to take my planning, my words, my ideas, and help me put them into a publishable product.

I am still thinking about this. It is the busy season and I will require some time from me. I want to talk with Rick about it some more, and the kids.

I want to do it. But I am afraid.