I graduated from high school on a Friday. On Saturday, I moved to a town 30 miles away into an apartment by myself. I was 17. I had secured a job at a law office as a secretary and was enrolled in 15 hours in college. I had a serious boyfriend. I wanted to be independent. I wanted to get on with my life. I wanted to be in charge of myself. And I wanted it NOW. The next few years were very hard. I had to work very hard. Being a grownup was liberating, but exhausting.
Fast forward about 25 years.
Kyndal.
Kyndal will be 18 next month. She is a senior in high school. She has a serious boyfriend. She wants to be independent. She wants to get on with her life. She wants to be in charge of herself. And she wants it NOW.
I remember taking her to kindergarten. Instead of being dropped off in the kindergarten loop with all the other five and six year olds, she wanted to get to school early and for me to drop her off at the very end of the sidewalk in front of the school. Then she could walk all the way down it by herself, go in the front door with the big kids, and go sit in the cafeteria with them until the bell rung dismissing them to class. I can still see her walking down that sidewalk with her braids down her back and her way-too-big Barbie backpack on her back. She'd turn around once or twice and wave at me. She was saying, "Bye, mommy. See how big I am now."
Kyndal is not getting along in her current living arrangement. She wants to move out of her dad's house very soon and in with her boyfriend. They are making plans for their future. It's not the path I would have chosen for her. It's a hard path. It's doable, but it's hard.
She wants to be indepenent. She wants to get on with her life. She wants to be in charge of herself. And she wants it NOW.
At first I told her that I would not support this decision. But then I had to ask myself if I would rather her do it completely alone or do it with some guidance and emotional support. Because, she is going to do it if that's what she wants.
So I have spent the last couple of Sunday evenings talking with Kyndal and Collin, trying to give them advice that I hope they are hearing and taking to heart. They have some steps that need to be taken, but do they have the courage and diligence to take them? All I can do is be here when they need to talk, impart my meager wisdom, and pray for them.
Gone are the days of my greatest worry being whether Kyndal would fall down on the sidewalk walking up to the big kid door at school. Now I lose real sleep worrying about her. Parenting gets harder, not easier. Their decisions now affect the rest of their lives. And bandaids and kisses don't heal wounds.
I just told my good friends that have younger girls...I'd trade the late teen years for infancy times 10. Boy oh boy...these girls are going to cause way too many grey hairs before my time. It is so hard...lots of times I just cry and pray for guidance...not just for them but for me too.
ReplyDeleteFast Forward another 25 years and Kyndal will be having these same sort of talks with her daughter.....
ReplyDeleteKyndal's Mom turned out pretty darn good as will she.
Just think....you've only got three more to go:)
My very wise grandmother and mom have always said, "Little kids little problems, big kids big problems" So true.
ReplyDeleteThis post actually made me tear up. That has to be so difficult for you to watch, but I think it's wonderful that you're supporting her. Prayers that everything works out for your beautiful daughter.
ReplyDeleteI, too, have also said many, many times this year that I would take baby/toddler worries 10x's over what having a teenager now brings emotionally.
ReplyDeleteThis past year has been the absolute hardest for me. His wanting that independence and to make his own decisions is exhausting and painful.
I agree with how you are handling things. Better to guide them than to lose them because we don't completely like it. Prayers!
Nicole you are a great mom. I will be praying for you both.
ReplyDeleteThis made me think back to when I was 18. I made some really bad decisions that landed me pregnant in college. It was actually the turning point that made me into the person and loving mother I am today. I don't want my kids to have the same hard experiences but when I think to what made me it always seems to be the difficult times. All we can do it talk to them and love them.