All around in Blogland, you see the "One Word" posts. I did this a couple of years ago, I think. But looking back, I couldn't find it.
For me, this year, one word keeps popping up ... Intimacy.
I am an intimacy-phobe. I am not a snuggler. I need my space. I don't form deep relationships. And touching sometimes even gives me the heeby-jeebies. It's miserable, actually, and hurtful to those who love me.
All I know is that I feel a resounding call this year to deepen my relationships. This starts with God, I know, and that is where I have started. Maybe that's why this time it feels so "right". I also know that by deepening this relationship, my other relationships will deepen, as well.
I look forward to having more intimate relationships with my husband and my children, my family and friends.
I have realized that I am extremely intimate with our dogs. I cuddle with them and nurture them. I even like them sleeping right up against my back. The psychological side of me says that I don't have any problems with intimacy with them, because I know they love me unconditionally. They don't have any expectations of me, except for me to love them. I know I could kick them and they would come right back (not that I ever have). I know they will never leave me or stop loving me.
That leads me to believe that my intimacy issues are tied to trust (or lack thereof) and fear of rejection or disappointment.
Only God can heal me in this area and help me to place where I can be freely intimate with others. So, that is where I am starting. I am looking so forward to freedom from this bondage.
What WORD keeps coming up in your life?
Good word and observations. and after what you and I have gone through with our families (well mine are the in laws) attacking us and our kids I can totally get your fear of intimacy issue. I don't know if I'll ever be back to the loving caring relationship I thought I had with my husbands side of the family.
ReplyDeleteI understand that a lot. I used to have that same intimacy issue. I got it from my mom who would complain "don't hang on me!" every time we'd come up for a hug. She got it from her mom. My husband made me break that cycle though. He would hold me close to him and I'd fight at him telling him to let me go and he didn't and eventually, my family's arms are the only places I want to be. I hope you can work on it and build up your love for intimacy because honestly, it's the greatest feeling in the world once you allow it to be :)
ReplyDeleteI can completely relate to this! It's something I NEVER talk about. I've brushed it off for years and recently it's caused problems.
ReplyDeleteMy word this year is Joy. I'm trying to find the joy in the little daily things in life.