The Prodigal Daughter

I type this with tears.

How does a mother voluntarily agree for her child, and I mean a child, to make her own decision to leave the only home she has ever known because she doesn't like the discipline and responsibility of her life. I am struggling with this on so many levels that I don't even know what to say.

I keep thinking of The Parable of the Lost Son. I know the father had to be feeling exactly the same way I am feeling right now. And he voluntarily let his son go.

The Parable of the Lost Son ~ Luke 15

11Jesus continued: “There was a man who had two sons. 12The younger one said to his father, ‘Father, give me my share of the estate.’ So he divided his property between them.

13“Not long after that, the younger son got together all he had, set off for a distant country and there squandered his wealth in wild living. 14After he had spent everything, there was a severe famine in that whole country, and he began to be in need. 15So he went and hired himself out to a citizen of that country, who sent him to his fields to feed pigs. 16He longed to fill his stomach with the pods that the pigs were eating, but no one gave him anything.

17“When he came to his senses, he said, ‘How many of my father’s hired men have food to spare, and here I am starving to death! 18I will set out and go back to my father and say to him: Father, I have sinned against heaven and against you. 19I am no longer worthy to be called your son; make me like one of your hired men.’ 20So he got up and went to his father.

“But while he was still a long way off, his father saw him and was filled with compassion for him; he ran to his son, threw his arms around him and kissed him.

21“The son said to him, ‘Father, I have sinned against heaven and against you. I am no longer worthy to be called your son.b’

22“But the father said to his servants, ‘Quick! Bring the best robe and put it on him. Put a ring on his finger and sandals on his feet. 23Bring the fattened calf and kill it. Let’s have a feast and celebrate. 24For this son of mine was dead and is alive again; he was lost and is found.’ So they began to celebrate.

25“Meanwhile, the older son was in the field. When he came near the house, he heard music and dancing. 26So he called one of the servants and asked him what was going on. 27‘Your brother has come,’ he replied, ‘and your father has killed the fattened calf because he has him back safe and sound.’

28“The older brother became angry and refused to go in. So his father went out and pleaded with him. 29But he answered his father, ‘Look! All these years I’ve been slaving for you and never disobeyed your orders. Yet you never gave me even a young goat so I could celebrate with my friends. 30But when this son of yours who has squandered your property with prostitutes comes home, you kill the fattened calf for him!’

31“‘My son,’ the father said, ‘you are always with me, and everything I have is yours. 32But we had to celebrate and be glad, because this brother of yours was dead and is alive again; he was lost and is found.’”

We know nothing about the father between the time the son left and when the son came back. His father gave him his inheritance/his blessing and the son left. When the son came back because his decision to leave had been a poor one, the father had compassion for him and ran to meet him, accepting him back into his home.

But don't tell me the father wasn't sad during that time. Don't tell me the father didn't feel incredible loss. Don't tell me the father didn't feel as though he had been a failure. Don't tell me the father didn't lose endless nights of sleep worrying about his son. Don't tell me the father wasn't appalled at how selfish his already-spoiled son was being. Don't tell me the father was not cursing the world that had inticed his son away from him. Don't tell me the father could fully enjoy family get-togethers and celebrations knowing that one of his sons was missing.

I have a vision of all of the family photos I take. I take pictures of everything we do!! If we're baking cookies, I take a picture. If we go to the zoo, I take a picture. If we're having a birthday party, I take a picture. And I take lots and lots and lots of pictures of all four kids together. And Kyndal will be missing from those photos now. While we are doing these things, she'll be missing. A part of me will be missing.

While his child was out living it up, the father was suffering. Don't tell me he wasn't.

But, he let him go. Even though I know it must have killed him!

And, guess what? Things didn't turn out so good for the son. And "when he came to his senses", he went back to the one place where he knew he was loved. His home. With his father. And his father accepted him back with open arms. He ran to greet him.

I'm going to be completely transparent here. In that same situation, could I do the same thing? Or would the sadness and bitterness and anger literally have taken me down? I don't know yet. These are the things of which I am struggling. The father showed the ultimate in forgiveness and mercy. He had the complete forgiveness and mercy from God Himself (because, this is a parable demonstrating the depth of God's love for his children). But, I'm not God. I'm human. I am flawed. I am hurt. If things don't work out for her, will I be able to so lovingly welcome her back in the fold? I pray that I could have the heart to do that.

But right now .. I am in anguish. And right now .. I have to let her go, because leaving is what she has chosen.

** This was actually a post I wrote on December 4, 2009. This is how long this struggle has been going on. Funny, nothing has changed in her, the "world", or me.